Only a mothe r could love this liver
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
