I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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