My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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