I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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