My Higher Power is John Stamos
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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