Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
