If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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