It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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