Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
