So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
