does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
