Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
