Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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