During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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