I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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