The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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