i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
