dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
