My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
