Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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