using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
