I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
