I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
