he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize