Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
