so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
