What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
