Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
