His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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