Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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