So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
