i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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