Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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