the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
