You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
