he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
