Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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