I want to stick my p in your. b.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
