He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
