some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
