oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We have started to decorate penises.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
