I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
