I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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