I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize