Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You made out with two different species that night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
