Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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