At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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