I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
