Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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