can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
