Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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