Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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