I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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