I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
