I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize