He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
