Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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