Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
