there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
