i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
