I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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