It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize