some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
