I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
