Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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