I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
