peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i love accidental penises.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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