I wish I could teleport
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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