i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
