So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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