His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
