Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
