Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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