I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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