I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
