I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
