i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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