ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
