Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
