so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
