I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
