You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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