mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That's intense
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
