he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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