I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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