ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
