I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
