All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
