So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
