He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
