Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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