She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You ruined the universe
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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