wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
