The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
