You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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