I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
