Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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