i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
