hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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