Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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