don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
