the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize