i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
