you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
