twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
