The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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