2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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