i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
