God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
